Have you ever wondered why your child struggles to start a task that seems simple? You’re not alone.
Brendan Mahan, M.Ed., MS, an internationally recognized expert in ADHD, executive function, and anxiety, recently shared his insights as part of the StudyPro’s Expert Webinar Series. Brendan, host of the popular ADHD Essentials Podcast and creator of the “Wall of Awful” model, explained why tasks feel overwhelming for many students—especially those with ADHD—and how we can support them.
(Check out Brendan’s resources and learn more on his website: ADHD Essentials.)
What is the “Wall of Awful”?
Brendan’s “Wall of Awful” is a powerful metaphor for the emotional barriers that keep kids from starting tasks. Each time they experience failure—like struggling with schoolwork or disappointing others—it adds an emotional brick to their wall. Over time, this wall becomes a daunting obstacle, built from guilt, shame, fear, and rejection.
For kids with ADHD, these walls are even harder to overcome due to difficulties with emotional regulation and executive functioning.
Why Do Kids Get Stuck?
Even when kids want to complete a task, emotions can hold them back. Facing the Wall of Awful can trigger:
- Fear of failure, based on past experiences.
- Time blindness, making tasks feel endless and overwhelming.
- Emotional avoidance, leading to procrastination or frustration.
Parents often ask, “Why does it have to be such a fight?” Brendan explains that it’s not defiance—it’s the Wall of Awful. To move forward, kids need strategies to work with their emotions instead of against them.
How Do Kids React to the Wall of Awful?
When faced with the Wall of Awful, kids instinctively respond in different ways:
- They stare at it – feeling stuck and overwhelmed.
- Try: Breaking tasks into smaller steps and helping them define “done” (e.g., “Write two sentences” instead of “Finish your essay”).
- They try to go around it – avoiding the task with distractions.
- Try: Setting up structure, like timed breaks or a quiet workspace.
- They attempt to smash through it – using frustration or anxiety to force themselves forward.
- Try: Redirecting this energy with music, movement, or deep breathing.
- They try to climb it – working through emotions step by step.
- Try: Validating their feelings and reminding them that discomfort is part of the process.
How Can Kids “Create Doors and Windows” in the Wall?
Instead of struggling over the Wall of Awful, kids can find ways to move through it by changing their emotional state, setting up structured starting points, and creating guardrails to stay on track.
1. Shift the Emotional State
- Music – A favorite song can help them transition into work mode.
- Movement – A short walk, jumping jacks, or tossing a ball can boost dopamine.
- Comfort Items – A weighted blanket, stress ball, or fidget can help reset emotions.
2. Set Up Clear Starting Points
- Define “Done” – Instead of “Do your homework,” try “Work on math for 15 minutes.”
- Use Time Anchors – “Let’s set a timer for 10 minutes, then take a break.”
- Plan Out Loud – Talking through the plan with someone makes tasks feel more approachable.
3. Prevent Getting Stuck
- Pre-Plan Breaks – “Watch one episode, then start your essay” (instead of open-ended breaks).
- Body Doubling – Sitting near someone while working adds accountability.
- Change Locations – A new space, like a coffee shop or different room, can shift focus.
By using these strategies, kids learn that starting a task doesn’t have to feel like climbing a mountain—it’s about finding a door and walking through it.
How Parents Can Help
- Be a Leader, Not a Boss – Guide with curiosity and understanding, not control.
- Normalize Struggles – Share your own challenges to show that setbacks are part of learning.
- Focus on the Process – Instead of asking, “Did you finish?” try, “What’s your next step?”
- Create Handholds – Break tasks into smaller, more manageable steps.
Why This Matters
Helping kids manage their emotions builds resilience. By understanding their struggles, we equip them to face life’s challenges with confidence. And as Brendan reminds us:
“Success is on the other side of the wall.”
To learn more about ADHD and the Wall of Awful, check out Brendan’s ADHD Essentials Podcast aor watch the webinar replay.